The Super Mario Bros. Movie (Me) (Kids)

I was expecting a celluloid headache from this 'content venture' but only the rainbow Bifrost was an optical assault, the rest was simply bright animation. It should be noted that the content creators have shoe-horned the word 'movie' into the title. I've been trying to avoid any reference to it being a 'film' but that's perhaps a little unfair. Let's face it, this is a cash grab that will most likely succeed, where the live action version from 1993, starring Bob Hoskins, didn't. The target market - children - will gobble it up, if the audience I saw it with is anything to go by.

Now, if you're familiar with the Mario Bros. Nintendo game or any derivation thereof, you'll recognise elements from those irritating seizure-events. There are many of the characters from the games, so my kids tell me, such as Bowser, Toad, Princess Peach and Donkey Kong (even I know that last one). These big-eyed attempts at cuteness are voiced by (in order) Jack Black, Keegan Michael Key, Anya Taylor-Joy and Seth Rogen, not to mention the plumbers, Mario (Chris Pratt) and Luigi (Charlie Day). All are fine, Black even gets a couple of comic piano turns to show off his musical chops. 

So, plot. Mario and Luigi get accidentally spirited into the Nintendo world, where Bowser is attempting to wrest control of the whole place AND marry Peach for good measure. The Kong crew are approached to join Peach (in a Black Panther echo) and Luigi is in some strife in the Darklands. As Mario travels through a kaleidoscopic pipe and lands in a mushroom field, it's no stretch to read this all as a cinematic drug trip.

I feel this will be one of the most critic-proof pieces of entertainment in recent memory. Kids will want to see it, parents will have no choice and the gaming runoffs will run into the billions. It matters not one jot whether it's any good or not. As Joe Pesci says in The Irishman, it's what it is. And, in fairness, it's not the worst kids' film I've seen. But I wouldn't want to see it again.

The Super Mario Bros. Movie is showing everywhere.

See also (well, not strictly recommendations):

According to a bloke at work, there was an odd film made in 1989 called The Wizard, directed by Todd Field, to promote the release of Super Mario Bros. 3. Also, as a weird companion piece, you could check out that live action 1993 version, Super Mario Bros., directed by Annabel Jankel and Rocky Morton. I wouldn't, though.