Worst of 2021 - End of Year Report

Swine after pearls, here are the 10 films that either disappointed, annoyed or mortified me in 2021. In descending order, have a gander at some of this shite.

[Check out the full reviews by clicking on the title]

10. Clue (1985)

Found this on a streamer and kind of wish I hadn't. The cast has a lot going for it - Tim Curry, Michael McKean, Madeline Kahn, Christopher Lloyd - but none of them can rise above the forced energy and boring story. Films based on board games, eh? A product of its time.

9. The Toll (2021)

This was a huge disappointment. An interesting cast, including Michael Smiley, Iwan Rheon, Annes Elwy (best in show) and Paul Kaye, couldn't save the material. It was trying to be many things all at once, but sadly none of the angles worked. The novice writer and director will hopefully learn from this ambitious mess.

8. Death Note (2017)

This Netflix adaptation of the Japanese manga, then anime, then three (!) live action Japanese films, was entirely unnecessary. Really, how much of one slightly naff idea do we need? I guess it was made for the subtitle-averse crowd, but honestly, fuck them anyway. Sometimes I look back and wonder why I even chose certain films. This was one of those moments.

7. Candyman (2021)

We selected this as a prize for winning a film quiz at the Perth Girls' School Cinema. Mistake. Incoherent, dull, NOT scary (aside from some squirmy body horror bits) and just cack-handed. Some of the messaging was admirable but it didn't really have any focus and the director, Nia Da Costa, let it be overrun by functional murdering and a confusingly rushed ending. No, the Candyman can't.

6. The Goya Murders (2019)

This fell apart pretty quickly. A Spanish police thriller (?) about a dude who kills his victims and arranges the crime scenes to look like Goya prints, it plays out like overboiled spuds. There are two police officers who have their own problems - templated, colour-by-numbers shit - a perplexing motivation for the perp (I don't even remember it, to be fair), and a climax that was presumably meant to shock but, in fact, seems overly brutal. A script full of bollocks, nothing makes sense. Dire.

5. Spawn (1997)

An obscure director, mostly known for visual effects, has turned out a real stinker with this film (ironically, with terrible effects). Part of a glut of minor comic book adaptations in the 90s (The Rocketeer, The Shadow, Tank Girl, etc.), this was one of, if not alone as, the worst of the lot. Martin Sheen and Nicol Williamson (famous Shakespearian stage thesp) chew off as much meat as they can locate, and possibly my least favourite 'actor', John Leguizamo does his thing - irritate. Awful tripe.

4. Legend (1985)

Chimpanzee that! A Ridley Scott film in the best AND worst list of 2021. Imagine for a moment, going from your debut, The Duellists, to Alien, to Blade Runner and then....to this. Forgettable guff about an evil wizard (I think) who wants to do something or other but Tom Cruise is in the way and ummmm, well, it's hard to recall. This might have been cutting edge in the mid-80s, but it certainly hasn't aged well. Oh, and oddly, it's the second film in this list with Tim Curry in it. He had a busy 1985.

3. Annette (2021)

What a pile of pretentious crap. It seems to have its fair share of supporters, mainly in the critic circles, but I haven't seen a film for ages that spilt the critics and the punters like this did. So, it's a musical drama (almost totally 'sung-through') with a great central pairing in Marion Cotillard and Adam Driver. The issues aren't with them, but with the 'too cool by far' script by the Mael brothers (of the band, Sparks). It's repetitive and dull, and they try very hard to be tossers. They succeed. In fact, they give tossers a bad name.

2. The Nest of the Cuckoo Birds (1965)

I actually gave this so-called film a nest icon instead of a star rating because I don't really classify it as a film as such. But that's getting into the whole 'what is art?' area, so I'll just say this is a real Barry Crocker. The guy behind it all, Bert Williams (he directed, wrote, starred, produced, etc.), plays some kind of agent dispatched to the swamps to find someone and things go pear-shaped. All well and good plot-wise, the problem is Williams clearly had no budget and, it would appear, no talent either. The whole experiment is one of the worst things ever put on celluloid, student films included.

1. French Exit (2020)

But worse than a film that isn't really even a film, comes this horrid turkey. Around 5 minutes in, I knew I was going to hate this. Rich, entitled, snobby Americans talking like nobody outside of 'literature' - what a recipe! Story - Michelle Pfeiffer and her son, Lucas Hedges, lose all their money and decide to move to Paris. People appear out of paper-thin logic to muddle the narrative. Then there's a talking cat that's supposed to be whimsical, I guess. Ah, fuck this, I'm getting angry writing about it....

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Top twenty WWII films

The Guardian recently ran an article on the ten best World War II films, as voted by respondents to a Deltapoll for The War Movie Theatre podcast (see their list and link at the end of this piece). As this year is 80 years since the end of hostilities, I thought it might be interesting to run down my top twenty World War II films. Here we go: 20. Empire of the Sun (Steven Spielberg - 1987) This China-set drama of expats during the war in the Pacific theatre was Christian Bale's first big role at the age of 13. He's pretty bloody good too, as are most of the cast, including John Malkovich and Nigel Havers. Spielberg saw this J.G. Ballard story as a chance to make a comparatively 'darker' film about the loss of innocence and it turned out to be one of his very best. 19. The English Patient (Anthony Minghella - 1996) All the press for this film was the love story angle between dreamy Ralph Fiennes (pre-Voldemort, of course) and elegantly icy Kristin Sc...

Mission: Impossible - The Final Reckoning

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F1: The Movie

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The Tasters

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Münter and Kandinsky - The Blue Rider

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Thunderbolts*

This is the sixth and final film in phase five of the Marvel Cinematic Universe and by my reckoning, it's the second best of the phase (after the third Guardians film). It's certainly an improvement on the flaccid Captain America: Brave New World from a few months back. Kevin Feige has done a good bit of business getting the right team together here, not unlike the film itself. The reasonably unknown crew includes director Jacob Schreier, writers Eric Pearson and Joanna Calo, and cinematographer Andrew Droz Palermo. Schreier hasn't actually directed a feature for ten years (he's been involved in TV) but they all have some interesting credits to their names. The film picks up the story of Yelena Belova (Florence Pugh), adopted sister of Black Widow. She's taking jobs for Valentina de Fontaine (Julia Louis-Dreyfus), mostly illegal cleanup gigs with high body counts, but is becoming disenchanted with all the drudgery. She's in a murderous malaise. A fatality funk...

Sinners

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The Surfer

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Revelation Film Festival 2025

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Two to One

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