Worst of 2021 - End of Year Report

Swine after pearls, here are the 10 films that either disappointed, annoyed or mortified me in 2021. In descending order, have a gander at some of this shite.

[Check out the full reviews by clicking on the title]

10. Clue (1985)

Found this on a streamer and kind of wish I hadn't. The cast has a lot going for it - Tim Curry, Michael McKean, Madeline Kahn, Christopher Lloyd - but none of them can rise above the forced energy and boring story. Films based on board games, eh? A product of its time.

9. The Toll (2021)

This was a huge disappointment. An interesting cast, including Michael Smiley, Iwan Rheon, Annes Elwy (best in show) and Paul Kaye, couldn't save the material. It was trying to be many things all at once, but sadly none of the angles worked. The novice writer and director will hopefully learn from this ambitious mess.

8. Death Note (2017)

This Netflix adaptation of the Japanese manga, then anime, then three (!) live action Japanese films, was entirely unnecessary. Really, how much of one slightly naff idea do we need? I guess it was made for the subtitle-averse crowd, but honestly, fuck them anyway. Sometimes I look back and wonder why I even chose certain films. This was one of those moments.

7. Candyman (2021)

We selected this as a prize for winning a film quiz at the Perth Girls' School Cinema. Mistake. Incoherent, dull, NOT scary (aside from some squirmy body horror bits) and just cack-handed. Some of the messaging was admirable but it didn't really have any focus and the director, Nia Da Costa, let it be overrun by functional murdering and a confusingly rushed ending. No, the Candyman can't.

6. The Goya Murders (2019)

This fell apart pretty quickly. A Spanish police thriller (?) about a dude who kills his victims and arranges the crime scenes to look like Goya prints, it plays out like overboiled spuds. There are two police officers who have their own problems - templated, colour-by-numbers shit - a perplexing motivation for the perp (I don't even remember it, to be fair), and a climax that was presumably meant to shock but, in fact, seems overly brutal. A script full of bollocks, nothing makes sense. Dire.

5. Spawn (1997)

An obscure director, mostly known for visual effects, has turned out a real stinker with this film (ironically, with terrible effects). Part of a glut of minor comic book adaptations in the 90s (The Rocketeer, The Shadow, Tank Girl, etc.), this was one of, if not alone as, the worst of the lot. Martin Sheen and Nicol Williamson (famous Shakespearian stage thesp) chew off as much meat as they can locate, and possibly my least favourite 'actor', John Leguizamo does his thing - irritate. Awful tripe.

4. Legend (1985)

Chimpanzee that! A Ridley Scott film in the best AND worst list of 2021. Imagine for a moment, going from your debut, The Duellists, to Alien, to Blade Runner and then....to this. Forgettable guff about an evil wizard (I think) who wants to do something or other but Tom Cruise is in the way and ummmm, well, it's hard to recall. This might have been cutting edge in the mid-80s, but it certainly hasn't aged well. Oh, and oddly, it's the second film in this list with Tim Curry in it. He had a busy 1985.

3. Annette (2021)

What a pile of pretentious crap. It seems to have its fair share of supporters, mainly in the critic circles, but I haven't seen a film for ages that spilt the critics and the punters like this did. So, it's a musical drama (almost totally 'sung-through') with a great central pairing in Marion Cotillard and Adam Driver. The issues aren't with them, but with the 'too cool by far' script by the Mael brothers (of the band, Sparks). It's repetitive and dull, and they try very hard to be tossers. They succeed. In fact, they give tossers a bad name.

2. The Nest of the Cuckoo Birds (1965)

I actually gave this so-called film a nest icon instead of a star rating because I don't really classify it as a film as such. But that's getting into the whole 'what is art?' area, so I'll just say this is a real Barry Crocker. The guy behind it all, Bert Williams (he directed, wrote, starred, produced, etc.), plays some kind of agent dispatched to the swamps to find someone and things go pear-shaped. All well and good plot-wise, the problem is Williams clearly had no budget and, it would appear, no talent either. The whole experiment is one of the worst things ever put on celluloid, student films included.

1. French Exit (2020)

But worse than a film that isn't really even a film, comes this horrid turkey. Around 5 minutes in, I knew I was going to hate this. Rich, entitled, snobby Americans talking like nobody outside of 'literature' - what a recipe! Story - Michelle Pfeiffer and her son, Lucas Hedges, lose all their money and decide to move to Paris. People appear out of paper-thin logic to muddle the narrative. Then there's a talking cat that's supposed to be whimsical, I guess. Ah, fuck this, I'm getting angry writing about it....

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Nosferatu

The best looking film of the year, this has a gorgeous array of visuals that elicited a number of quiet 'wows' and intakes of breath from yours truly. Big praise to cinematographer Jarin Blaschke, production designer Craig Lathrop, art director Robert Cowper, set decorator Beatrice Brentnerova, and of course, director Robert Eggers for getting this crew together - he seems to use a lot of the same folk for his films, and fair enough, when this is the final product. Eggers has adapted the script from Henrik Galeen's original for F. W. Murnau's 1922 film, itself none too subtly ripped off from Bram Stoker's novel, Dracula . This is Eggers' fourth feature after The Witch , The Lighthouse , and The Northman and while I haven't yet seen the first two, I didn't care much for The Northman , typically wondrous images aside. He flirts with the pomposity that affected his previous film but here it matches the gothic tones and source text, that is until Aaron Tayl...

Best of 2024 - End of Year Report

Ho ho, yo yos. Here's my rundown of films in 2024. By my best count I saw 124 films last year, 115 of them new watches (though not necessarily made or released in 2024), and 61 of them at the cinema. Of those cinema trips, 28 were at Luna Leederville , 14 at Palace Raine Square and 10 at the Backlot Perth , with 6 other cinemas making up the numbers. So here are my 10 favourite films from 2024, with a top 5 pod down the bottom... [Click on the titles for links to full reviews] 10. Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga (2024) George Miller's follow-up to Fury Road tells us the story of how Furiosa got to where that film started. I reckon this was the best blockbuster of the year, certainly the most entertaining, with one epic action sequence and a couple of fine performances from Anya Taylor-Joy and Chris Hemsworth. Great fun. 9. The Taste of Things (2023) Don't go in hungry! This is a foodie's shan-grill-ah, the high culinary masterwork of the last decade or more. Juliette Binoch...

Anora

Sean Baker has been making low budget, grungy-looking films for a while now, so it was probably a bit of a surprise when he won the Palme d'Or at Cannes with Anora . The first third of this stripper/sex worker story pings along at a nice pace. It begins to go slightly baggy in the middle third but recomposes itself for the home straight. Mikey Madison plays Anora (or Ani), an erotic dancer in a club where it looks like the majority of the dosh comes from private lap-dances - she has issues with her boss not paying health insurance and holiday benefits. Madison is a natural in this medium (my notes for this say "Is she an actual stripper? Check.") One night, Ani is requested to translate and maybe dance for, a young Russian guy, Ivan (Mark Eydelshteyn), who immediately takes a shine to her and invites her to come to his place the next day. Ani realises she's hit pay dirt when she arrives at his mansion, and his goofy, sweet nature endears him to her even more. Post-sha...

Audrey

This Perth Fest entry is a very black comedy with a large splosh of Muriel's Wedding about it. Ronnie Lipsick (Jackie Van Beek) has high hopes for her daughter Audrey (Josephine Blazier) to succeed as an actress. Ronnie had some of her own fame years before in Australian TV and is now stage-mothering Audrey to within an inch of her life. But Audrey is a proper arsehole to everyone, including her sister with cerebral palsy, Norah (Hannah Diviney), and her romantically conflicted father, Cormack (Jeremy Lindsay Taylor), so when Audrey's melodramatic antics see her slide off the roof of the house and into a coma, the family have mixed feelings about the situation. Ronnie incongruously decides to pose as Audrey in order to be accepted onto the acting course she had her signed up for. Nobody seems to notice, Norah begins to be more accepted by Audrey's friends (and boyfriend), and Cormack turns his meekness around, reinvigorating his sex life with Ronnie. The family feel guilty...

The Monk and the Gun

This Bhutanese comedy drama is part of the Perth Festival and it follows the country's attempts to move from a monarchy to a democracy in 2006. In the small town of Ura, a novice monk, Tashi (Tandin Wangchuk) is tasked with finding two guns for his Lama, played by real life monk Kelsang Choejay. He's not told why but he gets on with the job. At the same time, a 'fixer/tour guide' from Thimphu, Benji (Tandim Sonam) gets a gig driving a newly arrived American, Ronald (Harry Einhorn) around the country in search of a particularly valuable US Civil War rifle. You might be able to see where this is going... This is satire in deep cover. It might even be satire adjacent, such is its mildness. This is not a bad thing. At times I felt like I was experiencing an old Ealing comedy, or maybe a low-key Ken Loach. The government sends officers around the country to run a mock election to show people how to vote, and one of them, Tshering Yangden (Pema Zangmo Sherpa) wanders through...

The Wolves Always Come at Night

My first taste of the Perth Festival schedule for the coming season was a 'hybrid' film called The Wolves Always Come at Night , directed by Gabrielle Brady. The term 'hybrid' really just seems to mean tweaking the traditional methods of documentary production, in this case, adding some clearly set-up shots and situations, but also, calling on the subjects to help in the writing process. This film is about a family of goat farmers in Mongolia whose difficult existence is made even harder by an unforeseen event that forces them to relocate to the city. The family are led by mother, Zaya Dashzeveg and father, Davaa Dagvasuren, and Brady made the film with their input in mind. She says; Our intention was that Davaa and Zaya have agency within the making of their own story. So, in working together as co-writers, we were able to shape the story together. They would share ideas for what could be filmed and I would translate this into the cinematic language for the film. It...

Ghost Cat Anzu (Me & Kid)

Here's a nice surprise. I find Japanese anime to be hit and miss, and the first look at this boof-headed feline didn't promise too much, but Ghost Cat Anzu knocked the bails off. It riffs on the Ghibli theme of children being forced to grow up quicker than they should, with 11 year-old Karin (Noa Gotô) as our focus. Her dad's a bit of a scally and he does a runner while visiting his father at his temple home in a sleepy town, leaving Karin alone with kindly grandad and huge, anthropomorphic cat, Anzu, voiced by Mirai Moriyama. Karin wanders the town, waiting for dad to return and meeting various locals, while being casually monitored by Anzu. The pace is a little pedestrian but the shenanigans make up for this. Anzu is pulled over by the police and told he needs a license to ride a scooter, though he protests that he's not actually a human, so surely these rules don't apply. He works as a masseur but also takes a gig to scare birds away from the river, roping Karin...

Bird

This is such a fine film and going in blind might just be the best way to see it. It's not that it's a twisty, spoilery mystery, just that sometimes knowing nowt about a film is the best way to appreciate it. Zero expectations and all. So if you want the same groundwork that I had, read no more. . . . . Ok. If you're still reading, let's kick off. This is Andrea Arnold's sixth feature and I really have to see more of her work. It's set in the Kent town of Gravesend, and boy, is that a suitable name for this place. Not far from London, on the river Thames, seems like it's wall to wall chavs out there. Bailey (Nykiya Adams) lives with her dad, Bug (Barry Keoghan), and half-brother, Hunter (Jason Buda) in a graffiti covered squat. Pissed off that Bug wants to get married to newish girlfriend, Kayleigh (Frankie Box), Bailey rebels and follows her brother and his mates on a small-time vigilante mission. Things get messy, she does a runner and ends up sleeping in...

Merchant Ivory

Here's the first of a few films I'm planning to catch at the British Film Festival so I'll attempt to keep the reviews relatively brief. This a documentary directed by Stephen Soucy about the legendary filmmaking team, Merchant Ivory Productions. The formidable ensemble consisted of producer Ismail Merchant, director James Ivory, writer Ruth Prawer Jhabvala, and composer Richard Robbins. After meeting in 1961, Ivory and Merchant started a fruitful partnership, both professionally and romantically. The film shows us their somewhat ramshackle early films, made in India, moving on to marginally more assured productions in the US, and finally to the English period dramas they became known for in the 80s and onwards. Together, they made over 40 films, some absolute gems among them. A Room with a View , Howard's End , and The Remains of the Day are probably their best, though you could throw in Heat and Dust , Maurice , and The Golden Bowl as very strong examples of their...

Emilia Pérez

Jacques Audiard makes a feature film roughly every three or four years, and at the age of 72, at this rate, he may not have too many left. For me, this is one of the tragedies of modern cinema. This bloke can do almost no wrong (his first film, See How They Fall was his only misstep). So here he is with his tenth (!) feature, Emilia Pérez . It's a pretty bonkers story about a Mexican drug cartel boss who hires a young, marginalised lawyer to help him transition to a woman. The film tackles some important themes - the transitioning element, but also racism and the disappeared population of Mexico. The twist is that it's all performed as a musical, and the balance between fantastic and ludicrous is stretched throughout. Most musicals live or die by the music and luckily, there are some great numbers in this (one of them, El Mal , just took out best song at the Golden Globbies). On the other end of the scale is a song about the details of transition surgery, where a doctor warbl...

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