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The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug


A rainy morning/afternoon meant I had the chance to slip away to the cinema to catch the second part of the Hobbit trilogy in Kobe. Now that I've seen two of these films, I think I've come to the conclusion that I'm a bit dwarfist. Not in reality, of course. Some of my best friends are dwarves. And Tyrion Lannister is the business. But in these films I have found myself wanting that lot off screen. Martin Freeman as Bilbo - great, more please. Sir Ian as Gandalf - say no more. Even Orlando "Legoman" Bloom as Legolas was fine.

But I'm terribly underwhelmed by the dwarves. I hope this is due to the rather one-dimensionality of the characters and not a deeply hidden mistrust of the wee folk. Time will tell, I suppose. I still think this film had too much dwarf action and not enough Hobbit (or Gandalf. Or Smaug. Or even Galadriel. And don't get me started on the dearly absent Gollum). Thirteen dwarves is about ten too many I reckon. Of course it's faithful to the book but they have fiddled in other ways, the introduction of Tauriel (hot elf played by 'er out of Lost) being the prime example in this chapter.

The entrance fee-justifying showpieces were great fun, most notably the 'dwarves in barrels' river chase sequence. I'll gladly own up to giggling like a school kid at some of the Buster Keaton-style shenanigans during this frenetic theme park ride.


The confrontation with the whiny dragon Smaug is fun and Benedict Cumberbatch provides a suitably slighted voice performance. There is a slight narrative issue here and the book is just as guilty. Let's get this straight. A group dwarves with as much poise as the Ant Hill Mob and a Hobbit with no military experience prepare to take on a fucking huge, vindictive, gold-crazy DRAGON!

Without a plan.


"OK Bilbo, pop down there and grab the white jewel, you'll know it when you see it."

"And the dragon?"

"Well, he's probably not there any more, it's been such a long time."

"Hmmm...."

Or words to that effect. No surprise when things go pear-shaped, as they may or may not - it all ends somewhat up in the air. 'Middle film syndrome' and all. So in summary, a nice way to spend a few hours. Could have been shorter though. Same could be said for many of Jackson's films. Not by the nerds, mind. Not by the nerds.

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