The Worst Film I've Ever Seen (featuring The Room)

So this whole business started with one of Roly's friends saying he thought You Were Never Really Here was the worst film he'd ever seen. I was baffled. The WORST?? It got me thinking - what do people rate as the worst film they've ever seen?

I conducted a short, mostly net-based, survey and the results were intriguing. Putting aside the person who went for a TV show and the one who chose The 1989 Melbourne Cup, they broadly fell into two categories - actually terrible films (i.e. low tech, shit writing & acting, etc) OR average to good films that people had a personal aversion to.

Some I'd never heard of - I've only seen 15 from a total of 40, though I may have blanked on one or two due to the abysmal nature of them. There were some odd choices for me - The Wrestler and Rain Man are not bad and Fight Club is great but, again, it's all subjective. If I had to watch one of these films that I hadn't yet seen, I'd probably go for The Dungeonmaster or Snakes on a Plane, mainly to get a bead on their awfulness.

It's also a little strange that there were so many sequels - seven of them, and a couple of remakes. Did some people actually like the first one or two but got really pissed off with the follow-ups? (Disclaimer - I know one of these was an unavoidable family situation where the person actually left halfway through).

Most of the films were discrete, bar two - Sharknado (which two people hated) and The Room (which got four 'votes'). So I watched The Room. And soon after wished I hadn't. So bad it's good? Don't even fucking try me. It's not really even a film. It's like the most driven but least talented of my film school colleagues wrote a script and then gave it to a misogynistic truckie to direct. Oh, and then asked their mates if they knew any women who didn't pass the entry audition at 'generic acting school' but would like to do some soft-core grummer with a couple of weirdos. I wonder how long that short list was.

The lighting made it look like it was shot on a VHS-camcorder (even though it was apparently 35mm!) and the writing reeks of mundanity, with exchanges like this - "Did you like last night?" "Yes, I did." "Ha ha ha." "Can I get you anything?" "Mm-mm, I have to go now." "OK, bye." "Bye." And that's one of the better ones. The acting is roundly terrible, with special mention to the main man, Tommy Wiseau. It's almost as if he's playing a guy acting badly. The others are just bog-standard shit but Wiseau takes it to another level. He's fucking Novichok. The story, if we can call it a story, is amazing in that it's confusing and simple at the same time. Stripped down, it's a tale of trust and betrayal. Stripped up, it's losers in tuxedos tossing grid-iron balls around. Plot strands start and then vanish. And the 'sex' scenes. Three of them in the first 20 minutes or so by my count, and personally, Ricky Gervais's bath pics do more for me.

What a crime against film The Room is. That said, I'd still take it over Grease any day.

Oh, and here's the full list:

The Love Guru

The Incredible Melting Man

A.I.

Suicide Squad

The Village

I am the Pretty Thing that Lives in the House

The Room

Snakes on a Plane

Rain Man

Crazy Hong Kong

The Bachelor (TV show??)

Eyes Wide Shut

On Deadly Ground

Mannequin

Superman IV: The Quest for Peace

Funny People

Fight Club

Pineapple Express

The Mummy

Funny Games (2007)

The Melbourne Cup 1989 !?!?

Shanghai Knights

The Wrestler

Left Behind

Lust in the Dust

Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-li

Commandments

Grown-ups 2

Twister

The Air Up There

The Dungeonmaster

Sharknado

Jackass 2

Child’s Play

Human Centipede 3

Final Destination

Cube 2: Hypercube

Escape Plan 2: Hades

Eat, Pray, Love

The Tree of Life

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