1. Assassin's Creed (2016)Why?
2. Jack Reacher: Never Go Back (2016)
Tom, Tom, look at the subtitle! Mug-handed tripe with a cringingly mawkish ending.
3. Crying Out Love in the Centre of the World (2004)
Boring piffle that may have played well to the teen angst market but not for this jaded old curmudgeon.
4. The Dark Tower (2017)
Still don't know what the fuck was going on in this boring mess.
5. The Man from U.N.C.L.E. (2015)Too many things wrong here to mention but lowlights are the cardboard stars. Daikon for dinner, anyone?
6. Kong: Skull Island (2017)
A massive ape. Tom Hiddleston. Samuel L. Jackson. Brie Larson. John Goodman. And yet.....7. Allied (2016)
Star wattage with Brad Pitt and Marion Cotillard but a wet fizzler nonetheless.
8. The Mummy (2017)
Another Cruise vehicle driving on nonsense fumes. Seems like the wheels have fallen off Universal's plans for a 'monsters' universe. No tears here.9. Madagascar (2005)
I know it's a kids film but this is where it starts folks.
10. Your Name (2016)
A bit like Allied, more disappointment than disgust. Promising but ultimately unsatisfying. Listen to "Best and Worst of 2017" on Spreaker.
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